When something seemingly trivial doesn’t go your way, it’s easy to feel frustrated for a while, or even for an entire day.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this.In fact, there are some common events that often undermine our attitudes – and you shouldn’t be ashamed to be disappointed over seemingly trivial things.
Usually, when people say their day was ruined, it’s when something interfered with the direction they envisioned their day going.
It’s easy to feel like your “small” problems aren’t worth worrying about when compared to the bigger problems in the world. But therapists say these daytime saboteurs also deserve your attention (and may even be related to how you feel about bigger issues in the world).
Below, therapists share the most common problems that make our lives miserable and how to deal with them so you don’t get stuck in a negative cycle:
Traffic And Other Travel Disruptions
People are really affected by traffic.It makes sense: If you’re in a hurry to get to an important doctor’s appointment but are stuck in stop-and-go traffic, you’ll feel extremely stressed.
In addition to transportation issues, travel disruption is a common disruptor for her clients, whether it’s a car breaking down, a flat tire, or a delayed flight or train.
People often get “over-focused” on traffic delays, but there are ways to reverse this. Yes, you may get stuck, but it will feel less difficult if you use this time to do something you enjoy, like listening to an audiobook or playlist.
Canceled Plans
Many of us also lose our cool when plans go awry, whether it’s your babysitter canceling your date night or a friend canceling your excited dinner plans.
When things that are supposed to bring you joy or connection fail, your day turns to shit. What’s more, canceling plans could open wounds from the past.
Many times, small things happening in the environment trigger this internal experience, which may be related to past experiences. So, if my friend cancels dinner, that sounds great on the surface, but maybe when I think about it, I wonder, “Does my friend really like me?”
Our brains transform “small” things into big-picture things. That’s our brain, we’re like looking for predictability, we’re looking for patterns, we want to understand other people and ourselves.
Weather
Our moods are completely affected by factors such as the weather. For example, people may feel depressed when it rains, or they may find themselves less motivated to get out. Even things like temperature changes can affect how we feel inside.
Think about it: Has a rainy day ever made you want to cancel your plans? Or has a rainy day forced you to cancel your outdoor plans? Of course, this will affect your mood.
Closely related to weather are seasonal changes, such as daylight saving time.When the days get shorter it can really affect people’s mood and can really ruin the day.
In fact, an estimated 10 million adults suffer from seasonal affective disorder, and it’s most common in the winter, when the weather is cold and dreary and the sun sets earlier. People often complain that it’s dark by the time they get off work, which can also affect your mood.
Appearance
Weight is a common problem that affects people’s mentality throughout the day. Weigh yourself, look at the number on the scale, and let the number decide whether you are happy or cruel.
Before weighing yourself, it’s important to ask yourself what your purpose is. Is there a number you need to look at, and if it’s not that number, will it make you happy or ruin your mood? This would lead you to believe that you are inherently good or bad based on what the scale says, but of course that’s not true.
Additionally, the fit of clothing can often disrupt many people’s lives. For example, if you know what you want to wear to an event but the clothes don’t fit you when you try them on, this may affect your mood.
Then we are considering accepting. I want to be accepted by others; I want to feel good about myself. This particular outfit is preventing me from looking the way I want to, and once the outfit doesn’t look the way I want it to, then my mood drops – now I don’t even want to go to the event in the first place.
Anticipation Of A Dreaded Event
The feeling of anticipation before a meeting you’re dreading or a conversation you don’t want to have can also ruin the day, and sometimes even the day before.
People will start to predict what is going to happen, almost to the extent that they are trying to prepare for what is going to happen. But instead of being prepared, they put themselves into a negative mindset that will impact their experience and perception of the event when it happens.
Another example, “Sunday Terror.” How many times has this feeling of dread ruined your entire Sunday work week? There may be quite a few.
Why These ‘Small’ Issues Ruin Our Days
There have been a lot of major events happening in the world, especially recently, with wars, humanitarian crises, diseases, natural disasters, etc. happening all the time.Paying attention to some of these small issues is one way to feel more in control in the maelstrom of global troubles.
From an existential perspective, we just can’t always be in touch with it. We would really struggle to survive. If we’re constantly exposed to all the bad stuff, it’s really hard for us to function and we feel really out of control.
Even activists and advocates experience some ebbs and flows in dealing with the big issues they tackle.
Because there are so many things in the world that we can be upset about, sometimes it’s easier to focus on one small thing.
You can vote, sign petitions, protest, etc., but at the end of the day, global decisions are not really in your hands. For example, canceled dinner plans may be easier to manage in comparison.
When we focus on the little things that ruin our day, we almost gain a sense of control from it.
How To Deal When These Issues Upset You
First, allow yourself to feel the emotions of these setbacks, but don’t let it turn into a negative spiral.
What matters is that being a human being requires you to be adaptable and resilient. These things happen, not that they aren’t bad when they happen, but they do happen. In these moments, your ability to self-soothe and take care of yourself will allow it to be a moment that ruins part of your day, but it won’t turn into a complete negative cycle for you.
This should not be confused with toxicity positivity. If your flight is canceled and you can no longer visit friends, your frustration is justified.
What’s important is that you respect that emotion but don’t let it affect how you move forward and move forward. If you spend too much time focusing on negative events, it trains your brain to seek out more negative events, a phenomenon known as negativity bias.
In this moment, notice how you are feeling and express it, but also focus on what you can control. For example, what can you do if you get a flat tire? You can let your boss know you’ll be late and call roadside assistance.
Just focus on what’s in front of you rather than letting it spiral and turn into something bigger.
It can even be helpful to make a list of what you can control and what you can’t. If you’re dealing with a storm-delayed flight, remind yourself that you can’t control the weather, but it can also help you discipline yourself.
After enough practice, thinking about what you can and cannot control will become a habit. I’m not saying things can’t ruin your day, but don’t give them too much power.
Additionally, it’s important to pay attention to the things that affect you. If traffic keeps getting you into trouble, consider how you can be kind to yourself and prepare for the situation.
You can plan for situations that you know will upset you. For example, you can save a favorite podcast to listen to while stuck in traffic, or schedule a call to your boss if you arrive later than expected. You can practice mindfulness in your car and acknowledge your stress and anxiety.
That doesn’t change the status quo, right? If you have flow, you have flow, but if we can be gentle with ourselves, we can change our relationship with our stressors. If we can change our relationship with stressors, we are less likely to have overwhelming or systemic physiological reactions, which is how we prevent ourselves from being ruined day after day, or having negative experience after negative experience.